“Vanity of vanities, all is vanity”

It was Saturday evening following a successful certification dive in the Gulf waters near Panama City, Florida. One of Roy’s and my favorite traditions was host-

ing dinner for his newly certified divers at Captain Anderson’s, a landmark seafood restaurant on the waterfront in Panama City. On this occasion, when we arrived at the always-crowded restaurant and waited for our table to be called, I excused myself to use the ladies’ room. I was sporting a new haircut, still long, shoulder-length, and it was definitely a good hair day for me. I was pleased with the way it looked. I had come to terms with the grey, and since I have always been blessed with a youthful appearance that somewhat defied my age, I thought I wore it well. Friends were complimentary of the style, too. It’s one thing, however, for friends and family to assure you that your new look is a good one for you and quite another for a complete stranger to do it, but that is just what happened during the few minutes I stood at the granite counter washing my hands in the ladies’ room at Captain Anderson’s.

"You have beautiful hair!" The woman next to me smiled at my reflection in the mirror.

I turned to look at her with pleasant surprise on my face. “Thank you!” I said, “That is very nice of you to say.”

When I made my way back into the waiting area of the restaurant and found Roy, I know my face was beaming from the unexpected compliment. He asked who had hit on me.

“Hah," I laughed, "It wasn’t that kind of attention," and then I told him about the woman in the restroom and what a nice moment it was.

Okay, so, you may be wondering, what’s the big deal about a hairstyle? Why was this one moment in my life so significant that I would remember it years later? It was significant because such moments happen so rarely. It’s a shame, too, because such a small thing can make a huge impact, as it did with me that evening. To this day, I wish I knew who she was so I could tell her how special her simple flattering remark was to me.

When I first learned of my cancer diagnosis and the treatment regimen involving chemotherapy, one of my first questions was whether or not I would lose my hair. Dr. Joudeh assured me that it was unlikely, but I had spoken with a contact from a support group website who had gone through the exact same treatment plan I am, including the bone marrow transplant. He had lost his hair, as had everyone he knew who had been in the same boat, and he was quite certain I would lose mine. I now think I misunderstood and that he was actually referring to the transplant phase and not the drug therapy to attain remission prior to it.

Thursday night I had trouble sleeping. At 1:24 I turned my head to look at the clock and decided I might as well do some research. So, I pulled up the Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center website on my iPad and dug into the online guide for autologous stem cell transplants. I’ve included a link to it at the bottom of this post, if you’d like to take a look. It offers the most comprehensive information I’ve found for patients who are candidates for the procedure. What I read was both fascinating and daunting. But the part that created an obsession of thought for me was the revelation that the high dose chemotherapy that is administered just ahead of the transplant would indeed cause, among other things, loss of hair.

I admit that I am struggling to maintain some perspective on this matter. John tries to be sympathetic, but he practically shaves his head bald on a regular basis, and like a lot of bald-headed men, he looks really, really good. Unfortunately, his perspective is about as helpful as a teenager with a cell phone…at the dinner table…with guests.

The obsessive thoughts motivated me to look up wig shops in Pensacola, and I found one that seemed like a good option. I called for an appointment around 12:30 ahead of my doctor visit, labs, and Velcade injection.

The owner, Michelle, is a Hodgkin’s Lymphoma survivor and proud wig-wearer. She met with me personally and showed me several wig options. She couldn’t get a measurement for my head yet because I have too much hair, but I explained that I plan to cut it short (Demi-Moore-in-Ghost short) just before my transplant, maybe sooner.

Something like this

The experience at “A Wig Boutique” with Michelle was the highlight of my day. She was so helpful, and we talked about her experience with her autologous transplant. She explained that at the time it was done she really didn’t know what to expect, and no one told her about the hair loss, although she expected her hair to fall out.

“They gave me the strong chemo on a Wednesday, Thursday was a down day, and the transplant happened on Friday. When I got out of bed for the first time afterwards on Sunday to use the bathroom, I was shocked to discover every hair on my body from my head to my toes was gone.”

We laughed a little about the upside: rarely having to shave your legs and no more mustache or chin whiskers! Some of the effects can be permanent, like the loss of eyebrows and eyelashes, but hopefully, everything will grow back in due time, and what doesn’t, I will deal with.

Her passion now is helping other women who are going through cancer treatments to feel beautiful again, or at least more like themselves, and for the half-hour or so that I spent with her, she certainly made me feel much better about it all. Plus, I picked out a few styles that I am honestly looking forward to wearing, including a brunette wig that matches the color of my younger days with added highlights that I loved. Advancements have been made in wig design as well, so they truly look natural. When the time comes, maybe I’ll post some pictures and you can be the judge.

When I contemplated writing this post, I felt a little ill at ease about it because it just seemed so vain, so shallow, to be so obsessed to the point of tears, like I was yesterday. I mean, what really matters is that the transplant is successful and that I don’t experience complications, right? Then I turned to my most trusted handbook, the Bible, and I’m reminded that it says “…if a woman has long hair, it is her glory.” (2) I think about the account of the Pharisee woman who washed Jesus’s feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and poured alabaster perfume on them. (3) What a beautiful tribute that was, and what a lesson in humility. Her hair definitely played an important part.

I have always felt my hair was one of my best attributes, and I am understandably upset at the prospect of losing it. But it will grow back, perhaps even better than it is now. Regardless, I will be ever thankful for the success of the chemotherapy, my tolerance of it, and for the ultimate success of the transplant.

Me today. Second picture sporting my new cap from A Wig Boutique

One more interesting side note to the research I did in the wee hours yesterday. A bone marrow or stem cell transplant essentially “reboots” a person’s blood factory at the cellular level, similar to rebooting a computer to its original factory settings. In so doing, all customization is erased, and such is the case of a stem cell transplant. As Dr. Joudeh described it yesterday, one's “cellular memory” is essentially deleted.

What does this mean and why did the subject come up? I told him I had read that a transplant patient is encouraged to get a number of childhood vaccinations – again – following his or her recovery.

“Does that mean, like, chicken pox? measles/mumps/rubella? pertussis and diphtheria?” I asked.

“Some, I know, are recommended," he replied, "but they can probably provide you with a list at the cancer center, so yes, that is essentially correct.”

The surprises never stop coming.

---

References:

1. Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. Autologous Stem Cell Transplant: A Guide for Patients & Caregivers. https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/patient-education/autologous-stem-cell-transplant-guide-patients-caregivers

2. I Corinthians 11:15

3. Luke 7:36-38